The 12 Days Of Honest ProCons: Intelligently Numb


HELLO ALL! Welcome to Day five of the 12 Honest Days of Procons! Today we tackle the mind….and some other things along that line! Let’s get right to it because if I explain the piece you won’t really read it (that is if you even read this!) ENjoy!


 

Intelligently Numb

 

Pro: Intelligent (adj.)

  1. Having good understanding or a high mental capacity; quick to comprehend, as persons or animals
  2. Displaying or characterized by quickness of understanding, sound thought, or good judgment:
  3. Having the faculty of reasoning and understanding; possessing intelligence
  4. Computers. Pertaining to the ability to do data processing locally; smart
  5. Archaic. Having understanding or knowledge (usually followed by of).

I am told by many people that I’m an intelligent person. Hell I got a facebook message from one of my friends telling me that “You’re wayyyyyyy too intelligent to be so melancholy”. Besides the melancholy thing I was told I’m intelligent. I guess the melancholy comes from stupid things that I allow to affect me….things that I am choosing to affect me which is stupid because I am smarter than that and can get rid of those things that affect me that way.

See I am a smarty!

And the thing is I know this…I know this very well.

I’ve always been a very smart kid. I may have noticed I am smarter than the average bear around 5 or 7 years old. It was one of those ages for sure! I always did great in school and I always have my head on straight even if it’s twisted. It is just how I was brought up; you want to strive to be a smart person because no one likes a dummy. You can manipulate dumb person to think and do whatever you say. The manipulative crap doesn’t work on a puppet master buddy! I am being a bit dramatic, but you can’t fool me because I read people the minute I meet them. I love to surround myself with people who are also as intelligent as me or smarter than me because that gives me a person to learn from.

I am the enemy of ignorance too! So I can really mesh well those who indulge in ignorance. It makes my hair stands up.

There are times though when I am not feeling like I am as intelligent as people tell me. I know I know that sounds stupid to say, but I think it’s a normal thing! I know the saying that someone is always better than you are at something, but it kind of feels like that all the time with intelligence. Is that normal for intelligent people though to think they aren’t intelligent? INTELLIGENT PEOPLE PLEASE GIVE ME AN ANSWER!!!!  Don’t get me wrong, realistically I can’t be a super computer because the brain will forget some things from time to time. Short term long term…let me stop this isn’t about the brain. This must be a side effect from being around a lot of intelligent people right?

The point is I know I am an intelligent young man who can hold a conversation about just about anything.


Con: Numb (adj.)

  1. Deprived of physical sensation or the ability to move
  2. Manifesting or resembling numbness
  3. Incapable of action or of feeling emotion; enervated; prostrate
  4. Lacking or deficient in emotion or feeling; indifferent

When I read the definitions for this one, I had to ask myself am I really numb? Of course some things still have the ability to get to me because just like every other human I have feelings too. I’m not deprived of physical sensation and I can move for sure. I am a mover and a shaker baby on the dance floor alone hehehe! No one is going to see me dance…OK that’s a lie lol. So am I numb or just want to be?

The answer is yes I am numb. I think we all come to a point when we just don’t care about what is going on in our world. My numbness came about around two years ago and just began to build its own little building in my mind. Of course I decided to embrace it instead of denying that I wasn’t numb. I think when you get disappointed enough in life, you just grow to agree with numbness that follows it.

It’s not like you wanted to feel this way, but you just do because you are used to the outcome never going your way. Imagine a team that loses all the time ok? Despite a team’s optimism for victory, eventually the team is going to become numb. The team may have fun playing, but losing is not going to hurt them anymore. Do you understand? Once numbness is agreed upon life doesn’t have a power to affect you anymore. Nothing will surprise or disappoint you when you are numb. The news as bad as it won’t illicit not one single emotion from you.

I see it as a form of repression because it has some nasty side effects. I will tell you from experience you won’t be able to feel the feeling of happiness. I mean you can try to force it, but it will look very fake or just odd. Another effect is holding in things you want to say. When the times for you to say what has been on your mind for a while, it comes out like you are either super angry or mad aggressive to the other person which will lead to an argument or two. J  Trust me I know…I have done it many times. I don’t think this numb repression is a Scorpio thing, but hell it might as well be because just about every Scorpio I know is guilty of doing this.

I do not like feeling numb at all…I should be able to feel because I am not a freaking robot. I am an emotional person, but I shouldn’t be numb to awful news, disappointments, or life sucking. I should feel some of that. I think I feel a little bit of it, not the full impact of it till later on. On a good day for example I will recall something said to me and ruin my good day. That is when the impact will hit me when I don’t want it repeating the numbing cycle. This leads to my thoughts on everything being “I don’t care” or “Whatever”. I know time is going to take this away eventually and I can feel a bunch again without being fake emotional. 


ProCon: Intelligently Numb

However, this is all a part of the process of getting better. Their maybe some really bad days in my world where nothing matters and everything sucks. The most important thing is I fight. This entire process is a fight I have to fight without going off the deep end. I cannot allow myself to go to the deep, dark end. I only go there for creative purposes anyways. I may be numb and melancholy at times, but at least I know that’s all a part of growing and getting better. I embrace it because I can’t act like it’s not a part of me at the moment. The beauty is it won’t last forever. Life is not a dark pit of sadness unless you don’t ever try to see some of the light the world offers. Trust me, there are lights all around the dark shades blocking them. J Pick your head up and keep fighting! The world is your oyster! Now my readers and Matt I need you to receive this advice. You have such a problem following what I tell you to do sometimes…you shouldn’t.

After all I am intelligent young man am I not?

Till Day 6!

– MC

 

 

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