A Freeium Rant.

Today…I continued my quest of conquering the world of candy also known as Candy Crush Saga. IS it really a saga? I’ll get to that later. Anyways, I have defeated seven hundred and fifty one levels of this game (Yes….I unfortunately have been playing for a while now). Some levels were defeated by pure luck, some pure skill and others…by the not so hidden dark power known as in-app purchases.

I think I should give a tiny bit of backstory on how I got into all this mess in the first place. You see I have my best friend of opposite gender and I am pretty close (I think) with the family. One day when I was over there, her mother tells me about Candy Crush Saga. It’s a puzzle game that you can play for free if you didn’t know. You match candies to crush them for a goal. Some are filling orders and others is getting rid of all the jellies on the screen. It is fun I must say. At the time, I scoffed at the game because it looked like it was for kids, but oh ho ho how I was wrong. The mom proceeds to tell me about how fun and addicting it is….two things I happen to like a lot. I take her word for it and say “I am going to conquer Candy Crush…just watch”. When I say something like this…I mean it 🙂  If it’s a game, I must win and defeat it so I can put that in my achievement books or list or whatever. Point is anything I defeat goes in my little black book…you know the book people keep of the folks they slept with or may not have or that could just be a journal who knows!?

I played it the next day….and I zoomed through about 150 levels in a month. I was pass everyone that was playing it at the time and I was just unstoppable.

Until the game got remarkably hard for no damn reason.

There were some levels where you wouldn’t get enough turns to beat the level or the game would troll you because “nananabooboo stick your head in doodoo you can’t beat me because I’m made this way”. This brought up the prompt of continue playing for the in game gold or money that you got from just booting up the game. I think you get like 50 for playing, another 50 for liking the page, and another 50 for installing it on your phone. I used the free gold when the time came, but when I ran out I spent a dollar or two just to finish a really difficult level.

Till one time I spent like 14 dollars on one level and really had to question why the hell am I playing this?

I took a break from candy crush, popping up every now and then to defeat an episode and putting a limit on how much I could spent which was 5 bucks.

Seems reasonable right?

Till I spent 15 on a level because I wasn’t going to let it get away with screwing me out of a victory.

Again I take a long break….come back tell myself to not buy anything and successfully do that for a bunch of episodes. I took pride in beating 10 episodes with great strategy and not spending a penny of my money.

This is till I got to episode 51 where level 751 and 752 lie.

I only spent 2 bucks on 751 because I needed more moves. I didn’t go over my limit or feel that bad because I had two bucks and I never wanted to see this level ever again…I thought I was in the clear, but 752 had to be like “Nah bruh bruh…you bout to catch these unfair hands”.


I was stuck. When I say stuck I mean, stuck for a week or two playing the  same level over and over again hoping your “luck” would kick in. Of course, I got mad and I walked away from the game. I did something else till it was time for the next day. the pattern went, full lives, near victories, horrendous attempts, overall frustration, tempted to buy more turns, walk away.

Today I didn’t walk away.

Instead, I was going to show 752 who was boss in this land of candy. So while on break at work, I loaded up candy crush, I played 752 4 times, lost four times, played again, lost, I had 9 gold so one free turn, then I paid 99 cents for another 5 turns, another 99 cents plus a candy and I eventually paid for a chocobomb which lead to a victory.

Seven dollars….

Seven freaking dollars that I could have kept in my pocket if my willpower was strong enough to tell my impulse frustration to “let it go…it’s just a game”. I fell for it though. 752 teased a victory and I was not taking no for an answer this time…I WAS GOING TO WIN…and I did…

I didn’t feel happy about winning or finally getting this level away from me, I felt upset because I failed myself to not control my impulse. I didn’t need to spend that money and if I won it was not going to advance the story in the game. BTW wtf is the story in Candy Crush. 700 levels in and I have no idea wtf is going on. I’m just a girl in a candy crushing world! WHATEVER the point is I fell for the freeium game trap. I paid to win a level when I could have just won without paying. It’s not like I wasn’t going to see this scenario of me almost winning again eventually that was going to lead to a win and I knew that. It freaking sucks that I fell for because I’m smarter than that and I know better.

I’m not mad at KING either because this is how they make their money. Hell this how every freeium game makes their money. The game may be fun and addicting, but you will run into a stage where everything is impossible or grinding to level up is taking forever or watching a building or a force for your civilization take hours or days to build. Why speed that up with money? Hell if you have it, go ahead. I know I would. Clash Of Titans would be so much more fun if I had like a thousand dollars a month to throw at it. I don’t and games like that despite being temptingly fun don’t do it for me. There is no story in some of these games and winning for the sake of winning or saying “Hey look at me I have the best gear and I’m unstoppable * throws money at you and screen * oops I upgraded again…still unstoppable. Hahaha I have money you don’t”. IF you don’t have the money…please stay away you will make a huge mistake.

I really had to think about why do I play Candy Crush or any freeium puzzle game? Is it because I like puzzle games and working my brain? Or is because I like games where I have to pay to win when my brain isn’t enough? Do I like the gamer torture? Do I secretly like being teased by something I know I can beat leading to me winning and saying to the game “IN YOUR FACE I WON YOU DIDN’T!”. KING and any other game I gave money already did win when I paid for anything to win. That’s how that business works. I can’t get mad that I fell for it because that’s what any freeium business wants you to do. However, I can get mad at myself for not being strong enough to say no and accept the lost. Of course, I am upset at the moment without throwing a thousand obscenities because I already did that in my head and while talking to my little brother about this.

One more thing I thought of. Can you name a freeium game that is absolutely free and has no in-app purchases that is not Happy Wheels?

DO IT DO IT CAN YOU NAME ONE!? Comments are open!

Any who, I have gamer’s mentality. When a challenge arises, I’m the first one to vanquish it just to say I told you so or because I wanted to prove to myself that the challenge is not that difficult after all. You were just over-exaggerating or you just suck at the game or whatever challenge that’s troubling you. Haha I mock you…well not really, but haha I mock you!

It’s all fun and games till a game over screen is seen over and over and over again.

Game over?

Yeah…I’ll show you….one way or another.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s