*singing* It’s the most fun PPV of the year!!!
That’s right everybody it’s rumble time!!!! I’m Matt and today I will be giving you readers my predictions and thoughts on the Royal Rumble this year!!! Yes I’m on time with my piece. I had too much to say and I wouldn’t try to rush it like I did with some of the other PPV pieces. I’m excited! I can’t wait for tomorrow! HERE WE GO!
Pre Show: The New Day vs. Cesaro, Tyson Kidd and Adam Rose (Elimination Tag Team Match)
Winner: The New Day (obviously)
The pre-show match…usually gets skipped. Anyway, the new stable goes over the band of heels since 3MB aren’t here anymore. Boom prediction over…on to the next right?
I have to get something off of my chest. Let me get something clear, I am a fan of all three members of the New Day and I’m glad they have TV time now. What I don’t like is the portrayal of these three guys. The portrayal of black wrestlers has always been stereotypical and boarder line racist. If the gimmick is “three positive guys”, why couldn’t they be portrayed EXACTLY as three positive guys who banded together to usher in a New Day/ era in wrestling? WE ARE CALLED THE NEW DAY BECAUSE WE ARE HERE TO BRING CHANGE! Why do they have to be portrayed as three positive guys with Christian overtones without exactly saying they have Christian overtones there? It’s ridiculous. Why have Big E go from his take on King Kong Bundy “I need five” to I’m a preacher man with muscles and I talk like thisssss ahhhh because ahhh. WHY?! Kofi was already in development hell also known as the losing mid card while Woods was finishing a stint with R-Truth and Brodus Tyrus Clay. You couldn’t just have “The Man” Xavier Woods start wrecking shit on his own? No Intercontinental quest for gold? No instead you bring him out in a Farrakhan-esque suit…tell Big E and Kofi they need to take what they want, completely forget that angle, then you put them back out here shuckin’ and jiving’ to a choir titantron, “New Day Rap”, pyro with a pose, and expect me to be proud of this?
What happened to the Smart Athletic Friends? That sounded like it was going to be so much fun! Hell WWE could have turned them into superheroes via Hurricane and Rosey if they really needed a gimmick. I bet it would have been more believable than this. Which brings me to the main problem with The New Day. It seems phoned in. It doesn’t fit their personalities at all to me. I’m not seeing smart, hilarious, fun guys to be around, I’m seeing puppets.
Please don’t think I wanted a new Nation Of Domination like the millions of other fans either. If you look back on that gimmick it was racist as well except towards everyone else. It wasn’t degrading, it looked more like a celebration of black power instead of a stereotype. The one thing that set it apart from this New Day is it felt real. I felt like I could believe Farooq when he was on the mic spewing whatever he was spewing back then. I felt the gimmick really hated people who were not of color. I felt like the stable was real and the wrestlers made it real. The New Day couldn’t hold a candle to a New Nation…even though they could use a lot of material out do them if we weren’t in the PG era.
I’m sorry if this has been running long, but I’m seriously tired of this. I’ll say again Color Theory is a real thing in the WWE….It’s sickening and yeah I know what you could possibly be saying “hey it’s not that bad” you are right. It isn’t. It’s annoying though to see the same portrayal every. All I ask is any wrestler of color gets a fair shake before assigning them the stereotype gimmicks. YOU KNOW WHAT WAS REAL RACISM THOUGH? THE MEXICOOLS! GOD THAT WAS A BAD IDEA AND A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME.
tl;dr version: The New Day gimmick doesn’t have to be like this, Angry black rant, Fair shake for all, MEXICOOLS was an awful idea.
The New Age Outlaws vs. The Ascension
Winner: The Ascension
You know what I want to see in this match? Total Domination of the New Age Outlaws. The Ascension are not to be messed with. I will admit this “team Randy Orton Legend Killer” gimmick is weird. Yes the Ascension are great, but why disrespect some legends who either dead and gone, unable to compete like they used to, or make that claim when all they faced on the “MAIN ROSTER” is enhancement talent. It just seems odd, but it does have answer. The answer is HEAT. HEEL HEAT. The Ascension has to get you to hate them..so why not all out disrespect? Makes sense on paper…does it translate well? That’s objective. It didn’t really work on me because of their past achievement in NXT. I know these guys are bad asses, but the rest of the world may not know. Plus I don’t think past NXT achievements really carry over do they? I am ready to “Enter the Wasteland” and “Ride the Lightning”. I hope this leads to a match with the APA….Just for one more Clothesline from hell *drools* (It’s one of my favorite moves don’t judge).
Tag Team Championship: The Miz and Damien Mizdow vs. The Usos (c)
Winner: The Usos Retain
Ok. I haven’t been paying much attention to this rivalry since the Naomi thing. I feel like this will be a solid match as they always deliver, but maybe this will be the baby steps for Mizdow breaking away from The Miz. It may just happen in the Rumble. I for one am ready to see a Damien Sandow return. As much as I love the body double madness, I just need Sandow to fully embrace that the crowd is on his side. For Sandow to realize that he is a much more educated, cultured, genius of a performer than to be a mere body double. I can’t wait for the turn to happen!!! Sandow is soooooooooooo over (this means everyone loves ’em) and I need this to happen. Thanks USOS for planting the seed!
Paige and Natalya vs. Brie Bella and Nikki Bella
Winners: The Bella Twins
*Sigh* you take two of the best female wrestlers and….
*Sigh* you put them in a match with the bellas?
Do you see why I don’t take the divas division here seriously? Instead of having I don’t know a ending to that whole Bella vs Bella arc, we are just going to Total Divas it huh? We are just going to forget about that huge arc of Bella Vs Bella? NO PAY BACK? NO Anything? Nothing? Just expect not to remember any of this right???? FINE….I am not going to rant about this because why bother? Plus I already ranted about this I think in another PPV prediction piece. I just would love to know why do you think the fans can’t remember anything? Why insult my intelligence? Why?
Moving on. I wish the Divas belt was on the line, this was a singles match between Paige and Natayla, and the bellas were no where to be found. I don’t understand why putting two of the best female workers together in a tag versus the Bellas benefits anyone, but the Bellas. They can they beat two of the best right? I don’t understand why the belt isn’t on the line in a triple threat between Paige, Natayla & Nikki. Why? This just makes no sense
I will never understand why WWE doesn’t want to improve the divas division. The whole lack of time thing needs to end because you gotta make time for these ladies. They aren’t just tits and ass, they are performers! They are working! Why can’t they get a quality match like the boys? I just don’t get it. Why does every divas match have to be consider the bathroom break, when you have great women’s matches in NXT? Why? No answer is the best answer right?
WWE World Heavyweight Championship: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar (c)
Winner: BROOOOOOOOOOCKKKKKKKKK LESNNNNNNNARRRRRRRRRR RETAINS
I have heard the rumors about Brock riding off into the sunset after Mania and returning to MMA. I’m sure this may happen. I won’t be surprised, but I will be a little sad that Lesnar is leaving because he has made the WWE World Heavyweight Championship mean something. You just don’t get a title match because a PPV is coming up, you gotta earn to fight Brock and Brock fights when he feels like it…or the amount of PPVs he signed on for. At first it was annoying to see no championship match on PPVs, but it was a blessing because it made people step up their game. Brock brought prestige to the belt and I’m not ready for him to leave just yet. Now I know Rollins could cash in at the end of this match, but I see Rollins incapacitated to do so. Brock and Cena are probably going to knock the future out or something crazy is going to happen where Rollins can’t cash in. Maybe Sting?
Creative can also be lazy and let Rollins win the belt from Cena or Lesnar leading to Reigns vs Rollins at Mania for the belt….please Maker…no.
Cena as a sixteen time world heavyweight champion may piss people off for tying with Ric Flair, but look at this way Flair has so many other title wins that don’t even get mentioned that the 16 may not be accurate. It’s just a number guys…it’s not like Cena is the Man now. We all know that Flair will forever be “THE MAN”. I just can’t see Cena winning this match…it doesn’t make sense. Brock has to headline Mania this time for a grand exit.
30-Man Royal Rumble Match
Winner: Roman Reigns, Daniel Bryan, Bray Wyatt Or Dean Ambrose.
Look I picked four people out of thirty to win this match sue me. I am unsure of this one honestly. I know WWE is grooming Roman Reigns to be their IT guy. So why not have him win this rumble? Last year he was impressive in the rumble setting a record! OH MY he has to win this time right? Maybe so. Say what you want about Reigns mic skills…yeah they aren’t that great, but I’m sure Lesnar vs Reigns would be the battle powerhouses….OH god no…Sorry I just had a Goldberg Vs Lesnar flashback. Safe, but I see us back in Wrestlemania 20 with a Samoan in Goldberg’s place.
Face it people, the Seahawks are going to win the superbowl again this year and Daniel Bryan could be headlining Wrestlemania again also. Could you imagine Brock vs Bryan? Holy crap. This would be one hell of match. It might have the vibe of Punk vs Brock at Summerslam. The Beast Incarnate versus The Comeback kid. David vs Goliath. The story writes itself. Heyman’s promos on Bryan would be next level and the build up to this match would make every wrestling fan proud. I can just see it. That is if Bryan can win the rumble tonight. I feel like this would be a more exciting option for Wrestlemania 31…..oooo I got chills just thinking about it.
Something more interesting though would be Bray Wyatt vs Brock Lesnar. The Eater of Worlds versus a mere beast? Hehehehe Man Brock don’t know who he messing with! The promo battles…..speechless. Hell creative can even make this Bray in his twisted way avenging the Undertaker and starting a streak of his own with just one loss. This would be so much fun to watch.
And finally we come to insanity. Dean Ambrose vs Lesnar would be completely unpredictable. I don’t even know what would happen there. Just chaos and disorder. It is a possibility, but I would be shocked we get this on Sunday. FUN!!!
Of course there will be a couple of surprises in the rumble. I feel like RVD may make a return Sunday. The return of RKO has to happen on Sunday as well. It already happened when WWE was in New York in a dark segment (meaning a non televised segment), but now is the best time to bring the viper back into the fold. I’m sure Kofi is going to do a crazy stunt this year and someone from NXT may enter the rumble. It makes sense.
With that being said, my name is Matt and thank you for reading!
till next time, when we go really fast?! I don’t know.