Welcome to I’ve Got An Issue!!! SATURDAY EDITION! BLAME ME!
Today is about Random Attacks of Heartache also known as R.A.H. the dungeon dragon.
Last week, I was worked Essence Fest, a four day concert that lasts from Thursday to Sunday in July. Let me tell you something Essence Fest can be either a fun time at work or a very infuriating time. Thankfully this time around it was fun. I saw some famous people, Mike Epps gave me dap, Sommore asked about my day, and I heard great music while working. I can’t really complain about that. It was great! I enjoyed all three days except one because of my stupid thoughts. Thursday I’m looking at you. If you know me, I can be a serious overthinker. I will overthink the smallest to largest aspects of life. If you say or do something to me that you don’t do to other people, I will be thinking like “why do you do it”? If I find a dollar and no one claims it I will be deliberating why The Maker gave me a dollar or why no one claimed that dollar. I overthink babe, I do this! On Thursday night, I was assigned to a position that was basically solitary confinement. I couldn’t hear anything, I couldn’t see anything, It was just me, a chair and a wall. My thoughts ran rampant like cheetahs hunting their prey. This is until they found two things that they wanted to feast on: Heartache & Cooking.
On Wednesday, I went to a cookout and cooked with my pops. Basically he blew my mind with all these very simple techniques that resulted in amazing food. From the seasoning to the cooking it blew my mind. So on Thursday, I was reevaluating everything I have ever cooked in my entire life. I basically made everything complicated when I cooked, but it didn’t have to be. I relied too much on the internet and recipes instead of relying on my intelligence and wits. I should have just kept it simple. This acronym, K.I.S., applied more to just cooking because I felt like that applied to life too. I made many things in life complicated when I could have kept them simple. Life can be very simple if you let it be. I feel like we complicated very basic things with ourselves. For example, instead of buying fish fry, just get Yellow Corn Meal and your own seasoning. Simple as that. Just wash your fish, coat it in the mix and drop it in fryer. Simple as that! no egg wash, no bread crumbs nothing! Just keep it simple. Another example, if someone loves you, they love you. It is simple as that. Sometimes you don’t need to know why someone will put up with all of your negatives and positives. They just do. Simple as that.
When I thought about cooking during Thursday’s confinement, I thought about love. Since I love both cooking and the idea of love. I mean I was successful at cooking and willing to relearn everything I thought I knew. I’m pretty unsuccessful at love. I will go into greater detail about that when I’m more comfortable talking about it, but just know every lady I liked was either taken or didn’t like me the way I like them. Once the random thought of love was paired with cooking, I was attacked by heartache. I didn’t understand why I felt sad thinking about something that made me happy. I had an issue with that and I wanted to solve it immediately.
WHY IS IT ATTACKING ME NOW?! I WAS HAVING A GOOD DAY (SORTA) AND HERE COMES HEARTACHE STUPID SELF BUSTING THROUGH MY DOOR LIKE REMEMBER WHEN YOU DIDN’T GET THIS AND THAT AND YOU GOT REJECTED AND BLAH BLAH BLAH! LIKE STFU I’M JUST TRYING TO WORK AND MAKE MY MONEY! Sheesh it really pisses me off when heartache just shows up. I had to make a plan which involved two things. Remember I had to Keep It Simple.
The first thing I did was text a bunch of friends a question “How long does it take for a heart to heal”?. I got plethora of answers. Some said it depends on the person/situation. This can be considered the generic answer, but it varied in some of my friends. My homie DD said you have the choice to either become a self destructive person or a self constructive person. I thought that meant to destroy stuff or build from failure, but what he meant was a self destructive person will find stuff to destruct with like bad relationships, alcohol or drugs while a self constructive person will be able to adjust by doing more productive things. This was the best answer of person/situation one because it made the most sense. Yes, it depends, but you have the choice to get better or lose yourself. Another one of my friends, LJ, said it simply doesn’t. I asked why and she said the pain is kinda always there. This is also true because if the person meant a lot and they hurt you it is going to sting for a long time even if they are still in your life as a friend. I know for a fact. You just see them and your heart will just feel sharp as if it was tearing up a bit. I assume this pain will linger until it disappears. The most important thing to note was time. Time is the biggest factor. Time will heal everything, the only con is you have to be patient for the healing.
After getting some insight from friends, the last thing I did was let everything I was reading marinate. That’s right I just took it for what it was and not question why someone answered the way they did. It took a couple of days for it to all sink in. Heartache isn’t just exclusive to relationships. They also apply to friendships too. When something changes in a friendship whether that’s hanging out less or doing stuff you used to do as friends, that aches the heart too. It is a part of growing up, but it sucks. I think it is worst when heartache is about people you like like (you know what I mean). If you don’t know what I mean by that, I mean liking people you have feelings for. It sucks being turned down, broken up with or anything else (I only know two because turning down happens a lot and I see people break up a plenty…they change), but it seems like that is a part of life too. I would say cheated on, but that’s more of heartache rage instead of pure heartache.
I solved my random attack of heartache on Friday, but understood it the next Friday. Weird right? I replaced that feel with comfort and fun. I don’t quite get why lol. I guess it was instinct. My message to you is keep fighting, stay positive overall, and just keep it simple. Don’t be like me and think a ton, I’ll do that for you…in my own introverted way lol. Just keep it simple and enjoy life. Screw you random attack of heartache catching me off guard. I bet that I’ll be ready next time 🙂
Till next week!