I’ve Got An Issue #11: WHIPS & NaE NaEs!


Welcome to I’ve got an issue!

YALL ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!!

IT’S ZERO! IT’S ZERO! IT’S ZERO!

Are you slightly annoyed yet? Typing that made feel annoyed even introducing myself for the blog. Last time, I wrote about a song on I’ve Got An Issue it was cheerleader. It wasn’t about how much I hated the song for what it was, it was simply about how much I hated myself for liking “Cheerleader” and eventually just accepting my love for the song.

TODAY IS NOT THAT

THIS IS NOT THE SAME THING

Let’s get one thing clear, I mean no disrespect or malice towards this Silento fella. I’m actually glad he’s successful and living his dream as a musician. I applaud him. I wish silento nothing, but the best with his career. BUT…BUT I really cannot stand this “Watch Me” “song”. If you have never heard it, you are a bold ass lie. You have heard this song before unbeknownst to you. If you love it, fine I’m glad you do. I love the feeling it brings to people making them want to dance and what not, but when you hear it at least once a day it really starts to eat away at your soul. This is by far the worst/best “song” of 2015 on the mainstream charts. I say song in quotes because I don’t even know if it can qualify as a song. Seriously, I don’t. I understand this is an instructional dance song, but is it even that?

There are dance songs like the “Y.M.C.A.”, “Macarena”, “Wobble”, “Cha Cha Slide”, “Stanky Leg”, “Crank That”, and “Walk It Out”. At least those songs somewhat attempt to explain how to do the dance in the song. “Watch Me” is like well you gotta already know two of those mentioned plus four new dances with no instructions at all. JUST DO IT! DO IT! MAKE YOUR NAE NAE AND WHIP COME TRUE! If you hear the song without seeing someone do the dances, you will be completely lost. Silento is it not that easy to JUST DO IT especially when there are no instructions. THAT’S NOT EVEN THE PART THAT PISSES ME OFF I JUST FELT THE NEED TO POINT THAT OUT! Besides hearing the song at least once a day in the background, I really paid attention to the lyrics and I was amazed. There were no lyrics.

Don’t believe me  my fellow friends? That’s cool let’s take a look at the lyrics. Why? Because these lyrics make me question if “Watch Me” is really a song.
So we start with this chorus. Sing and read along because it is the natural thing to do (don’t judge me it is extremely catchy).

“Now watch me whip (Kill it!)
Now watch me nae nae (Okay!)
Now watch me whip whip
Watch me nae nae (Want me do it?)

Now watch me whip (Kill it!)
Watch me nae nae (Okay!)
Now watch me whip whip
Watch me nae nae (Can you do it?)”

Now I hate to be the young old person, but what Silento? This is the chorus? Ok Ok Ok granted that’s just the chorus. Choruses are meant to be repetitive with four bars or more. I get that, but can we see verse one please?

“Do the stanky leg (stank)
Do the stanky leg (stank stank) [Repeat]

Now break your legs (break ’em, break ’em)
Break your legs (break ’em dog) [Repeat]

Now watch me
Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop [Repeat]”

I have cut the repetitiveness of the actual song for you reader. I didn’t think you needed to sing that much or be confused. Did verse one repeat the bars? Did this copy and paste itself? I get it, it is a dance song that happens sometimes. There won’t be any mind blowing lyricism here that’s going to make me crap the bed. I expected that. I just didn’t expect this. NOT THIS! NO NO NO NO NO NO! AT LEAST “THE WOBBLE” HAS LYRICS! AT LEAST “CRANK THAT” HAS LYRICS! HELL THE CHA CHA SLIDE EVEN HAS LYRICS THAT GUIDE YOU THROUGH THE ENTIRE SONG! This is just barking orders and if you can’t get in line get out the dancehall. YOU BETTER JUST DO THE WHIP AND NAE NAE PART AND SMILE because the rest of this is just…HUH?! I just couldn’t believe all of that was verse one and then the chorus. I was expecting some rap to come, but noooooooo it never came. Verse two just burps three new orders for the listener Yule, Superman, and Duff. Duff? What the hell is duff supposed to be? The only duff I know is Duff Beer from the Simpsons! These three new instructions appear and merge with the end of verse one just to lead to the chorus.

AND THAT IS THE ENTIRE SONG

I wish you could have saw the confusion on my face when it was all over. I couldn’t call this a song. This was a dancing dictator barking at his audience and his audience shot the song to number 3 (currently) on the iTunes and billboard charts. “Watch Me” was number one on the charts at one point in history. IT WAS NUMBER ONE. It really made me question society as a whole. Do we even like lyrics anymore? Do we just like hot beats and cues to do dances? Is that the new dance song? My fav “The Cha Cha Slide” couldn’t even crack the top ten on billboard when it came out back then and that’s infectious. “The Wobble” didn’t even make it pass the hot 100 on billboard yet it is a dance classic. “Crank That” had lyrics and made it to number one on hot 100 billboard charts before. HOW I don’t know, but it is a fact! IT EVEN CRACKED THE TOP TEN ON THE MAINSTREAM BILLBOARD CHARTS! “Watch Me” has out done all of them without even trying. I mean the formula for how this entire song is crafted is baffling yet amazing. Songwriting? No! Copy and pasting to glory? Yes!

It really makes me wonder what future dance songs will sounds like? Will it just be one sentence, then another sentence, and final sentence over a hot beat. Hell are we just going to go to grunts, or five words over a hot beat? Will the next dance song be a John Cage revival called “3 minutes and 44 seconds”? I’m just asking! Because when one person succeeds with a formula like there will be millions of clones trying to do the same thing. It scares me because I have a feeling that’s coming real soon. So many Silento imitators making dance songs just to get on. I feel like every aspiring rapper who doesn’t respect their craft enough will cheat themselves out of hard work and just make a clone “Watch Me”. I don’t want to see that, but it is coming people.

*Sigh* I think I’m done here. You see how this is annoying. It is catchy, fun to dance to, easily stuck in your head, hilarious to watch and confusing to do if you have no clue about it, and created so many cringe comedic dance videos by people who are just trying to be hip. Oversaturation of this song has got me heated. Cheerleader is another dance song that is oversaturated, but at least it is a song! Something you can sing along to even if you have not found your cheerleader. It is a legit song with structure that makes me feel bubbly inside. “Watch Me” makes me want to Whip and Nae Nae sometimes, but most of the time it makes me want to bang my head against a pillow or a soft item that will not hurt my face (come on, you know I’m not hurting my face. It is my money maker I guess lol. I need to not feel it when I’m with you lol).

Peace and blessings to Silento. Keep doing your thing because you have the world rocking.

Also If you didn’t get that John Cage joke, I take it you never took a classical music class or tried to branch out musically.

I really hope you got that joke.

I REALLY HOPE YOU GOT THAT ONE. 

Till next time!

-MCZX

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