Welcome to I’ve Got An Issue!
Today, I’m feeling a little glum. Wait scratch that, I’m not sure exactly how I’m feeling. I guess it is just one of those days, but I absolutely hate these days. Do you ever have days like that? Where you don’t have any words to describe how you are feeling? Yeah? Days where a simple how was your day will send you into a spiralling tantrum in your mind of picking the correct answer without offending the person asking you? Days where you on the brink of madness, breakthrough, & nothingness? Days where “I don’t know” is the only possible answer to life? Yeah, you know what I mean. You are just Shulk & really feeling it…whatever that may be. Ok, that was a bad joke. In my case, I think it is a bit deeper than not knowing what’s really wrong. Cue a dark Weeknd beat.
On these days, I feel like I am incapable of loving a person. I’m incapable to receive love or a compliment. I feel like happy songs don’t have that happy vibe. Shut up & be realistic. Life isn’t this happy. Sad songs are just mopey instead of being powerful triumphs over pain. Shut up & get over it. Inspiration looks like false hope. Music sounds like background noise. TV is non existent. Poems don’t matter. I feel like I’m nothing. Nothing truly matters. I’m numb. People could never understand it. A collage of cute puppies couldn’t even get me smile. A lady who actually likes me for me would end in disaster because of me not believing in it also I wouldn’t smile. You could give me a billion dollars….well you know what a billion dollars sounds nice. Give me a billion dollars & scratch everything I just said. Wait, I think I would still being feeling the same way even with the billion dollars. Damn it, at least I would be able to buy anything I want. Well if money can’t fix it what can? DO NOT SAY faith or hope because I forgot to mention when I’m feeling this way, that alone won’t fix how I’m feeling either. It is complex & simple at the same time it seems. So is the answer truly nothing?
On these days, this is what I am feeling all the time.
I ask myself did I lose all my emotions? I wish I had a definite answer because I truly don’t know. I still get joy out of writing, listening to certain musicians, playing video games, watching anime, getting an unexpected call from a friend, working out (SOMETIMES), cooking, & just being alive. It perplexes me because I become so lost in myself looking for answers to why my emotions don’t work as well when I could just enjoy life for what it is & make the most out of it. Am I wrong for expressing how I feel towards my odd moods? It is better to put it out there instead of keeping it inside right? I am wondering if I became numb to the lows of life instead of losing my emotions? Am I just used to failure & things not working in my favor that I don’t emote as much anymore? I don’t know.
I do know one thing that I am certain of. I enjoy and treasure all the glorious highs that life has to offer. On the flip side, I’m looking for the beauty in those unfortunate setbacks while learning from them at the same time.
Sheesh Life is strange, but please STAY & enjoy the ride!
Till next time.