I’ve Got An Issue #26: Kickers


Welcome to I’ve Got An Issue!!!!!

Picture this, we are watching a divisional football game where the visiting team has come back from a major deficit to possibly win the game. We are fans of the visiting team. The home team’s morale is dwindling down to its final gasp. We have this one in the bag! The visitors drive up the field only to be stopped on the ten yards away from the goal line. The clock ticks slowly to three seconds left in the game. The coach calls time out and sends the kicking team out to the field to clinch a major comeback and advancement to the championship game. IT’S GOOD! IT IS GONNA BE GOOD! WE CANNOT LOSE! Home team’s coach calls a timeout in a attempt to ice the kicker. Commercial break. This is the longest three seconds of our lives. We stand up, praying to whatever deity we are devoted to, bargaining for a victory, and shouting obscenities and threats to the kicker if he messes this up. Our kicker is 10 out of 10 from this range. It is basically a chip shot. A practice shot. We got this! So much drama. We return from commercial break. The commentators are hyping up this comeback and soon victory. The ball is hiked, set for sure victory, the kicker kicks his field goal 2016……………

ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD………………………………………….

THE KICKER MISSES!

Our jaws drop, the 10 out of 10 kicker misses the easiest shot in the game sending the home to the championship game next week. Our anger becomes uncontrollable as we turn into savages screaming at the TV while one of our douchey, but cool friends records us to upload to YouTube.

It’s the playoffs baby!

Nothing infuriates me more than seeing a kicker miss an easy field goal. A kick they can make blindfolded. Even when there is not a lot on the line, just missing an extra point because you can’t kick makes me sick. I’m not saying I could make these kicks because I am not a kicker. IF I was a kicker though, I would make sure I at least make all the easy field goals. I know Minnesota Vikings fans were absolutely crushed and probably were waiting with axes and torches for the kicker. I remember back when the Saints were going to go to the playoffs against the Jaguars back in 2003. WE were screaming and cheering at the miracle play prior to this kick! Then he hooked it and that kicker was dead to us. I feel your pain Minnesota. However, I do understand why the kicker could have screwed up something so easy.

In situations where a lot is on the line, you may screw up majorly at even the easiest actions. The nerves may get the better of you. However, you get paid to kick a ball for your entire football career! I’m sure from middle school to the big leagues you have been training every day to make big kicks like this. So when the time comes you should deliver!!! I’m sure coaches and fans alike expect you to deliver! Why is it so hard to block that thought of missing the kick? Why make it a reality? Tell me fellow kickers of the internet? What does that actually feel like? Missing Difficult kicks are one thing, but if I put the goal post dead center and you still go far right I just don’t know how you got this job.

I feel the same way towards missing free throws when you are Godlike at them. It’s one thing if you are like Shaq with free throws, you aren’t gonna make many, but when you are like Steve Nash with those free points and you just air ball em and miss that makes me blood boiling mad.

I know fatigue and the mind can play a role in these misses, but damn it kickers you have to relax! SURE the rest of the season lies in your foot! SURE you are gonna miss a few! JUST don’t miss those field goals that are gonna make or break your team! You are the ball, be one with the ball, be one with your foot, and send it home.

Jeeze I got real Happy Gilmore there.

Till next issue!

-MCZX

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